I find my self in a slightly more philosophical mode at the moment.
A lot of personal things have happened to me over the past few months and it hasn’t been easy. Or maybe it’s just all of the christmas food that is getting to my head? Jokes aside.
Even when I’m surrounded by people I love to spend time with – I still have a tendency to withdraw myself from my surroundings.
I’ve grown into knowing that I’m a loner to some extend. And I have to cherish that fact. My “alone time” is the best time, for my part at least, because I get the opportunity to get in touch with my inner feelings and emotions that I often neglect during the day. Just to sit down with a cup of coffee and listen to some stimulating music is the best feeling ever! Mmmh.
Another thing that I have grown to cherish is to have good, long and stimulating talks with intelligent people. I love to learn something new and I love to discuss the world situation as it is. To obtain new views and perspectives on a given situation is really giving and more people should do it in stead of being too focused on their own opinions. I thrive on diversity.
If I’m not able to make a proper conversation with other individuals then I’m not able to connect with these – it’s a fact. Talking on a superficial and “la la“-ish level is not my thing. Not for long, at least.
I get wowed by people and their intellect.
Change of subject:
I was asked to become a model a couple of times these past few months and I must admit that the offers were… tempting. Very tempting. Modeling contracts? Hell yeah! But I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t want to force myself to do things I’m not comfortable with. I’m a size 34-36 and on the paper my body is good enough. But if I read between the lines I have to loose, at least, 5 kilos which leaves me thinking “is it really worth it?”.
Both my self-esteem and self-confidence are quite underdeveloped if I may say so myself and I know that the pressure within the modeling industry would get to me. It would eat me alive. I just have to face the fact that I’ll never be “picture perfect”, “plastic fantastic” or whatever term you find appropriate for the matter. Not all of us can walk around looking like a Victorias Secret model (I wish!) ;)
And to maintain the red thread; I like to wow people. Most often, people have a certain image of me and I know how hard it can be to break a categorization: Stupid, blonde bimbo.
But hey, I’m not dumb. There is more to me than bleach blonde hair and weird clothes.
Just keep that in mind.